Who is Jay Roberts?
I’m 44 years of age at the time of writing this in August 2016. I’m married and have 2 young children aged 9 and 7.
My first memory of being embarrassed was when I was 4 years old.
We had the police into our school on this day back in 1976. They were recreating a road scene using child-size plastic vehicles. They had cars, a truck and an ice-cream van. We could sit in the vehicles and move them with our feet, like a car from the Flintstones movie. 🙂
I was given the ice-cream van to drive. But after about fifteen minutes I really needed to go for a pee. But I didn;t want to tell anyone. I stayed in the van trying to hold it in. But, the inevitable happened and I wet myself.
I remember as the pee started to leak out from under the ice-cream van one of the police officers said: “looks like the ice-cream has melted”! And the whole class laughed. I felt so embarrassed. Right there, as I now look back, is where my shame begin. Albeit in a small way.
At ten years old I was a striver. I liked to do well and get recognition and was in the higher level groups for many subjects. But that was about to change as I went to senior school aged 11. Still continuing with my natural personality to please and do well I was quickly met with peer group pressures.
In short, I started to get bullied, a lot! And the more I tried to do well the worse the bullying became. It’s amazing now, looking back, how people will look to tear someone down when they feel inferior in some way. (albeit without them knowing that’s what is happening).
I would be constantly jibed at through the corridors by a few lads who took an immediate dislike to me.
I would be spat at and ridiculed.
I would return from a lesson to the cloakroom and my coat would be drenched in spit from these small few. We would all get the same bus home as we all lived on the same housing estate some 3 miles from the school and I would stand at the bottom of the stairs of the double-decker bus as they stood at the top of the stairs spitting on me.
I was too afraid to challenge them as I was only a small lad for my age. I feared to confront them as I felt that would be worse than trying to ignore them. I hoped they would just get bored. But they did not.
So to counter this I started to engage less in class. I started to actively under-achieve and keep myself below the radar again hoping that my less-than-average performance would start to remove the daily terror I was facing.
Again, it did not! I was easy meat. I was a small boy who didn’t stand up for himself. A small boy who didn’t have the tools for a physical battle or the tools to manage my emotions.
After 7 months it was clear the bullying would not stop and the school were as good as useless. So my parents decided to change my school to one about 6 miles from home but with a better reputation.
I remember the worried look on my parents face as I set off to this new school. It’s awful; as a parent to watch your child go through these things and feel helpless. I remember even more their faces waiting for me to get home that day, wondering if they had made the right move and how I had got on, and their relief when I said: “I loved it.”
The change of school was a good one! The peer group were much less hostile and this was a school that looked for people to do well. Alas, for me, my school results would stay average. The damage had been done without me even realising it. I’d become a natural under-achiever seeking the safety of being out of any limelight.
I did find some solace in a sport I’d loved since I was a toddler. Snooker. I could remove myself from the troubles and join a community of snooker players who were mostly older than me. They treated me well and I was accepted.
(for any American friends Snooker is a bit like 9 ball pool, just a bigger table and more balls).
My aim was always to turn professional and make a living at snooker but self-confidence would be my undoing and at 19 years of age, I had to give up my dream. I just didn’t believe I could ‘make it’. I didn’t have the emotional where-with-all to be successful.
This would be a feeling that would affect my life for many years yet.
When I was around 24 my girlfriend cheated on me with one of my best friends. An affair that continued behind my back for many months. We had been together for a couple of years but my lack of self-esteem would emerge once more. Not only did I not handle it well I lacked the courage to confront the issue too. I just felt useless and worthless.
I don’t blame them at all. Things happen. They fell in love and are still together which is a great thing. We were all young and let’s face it, we all handle stuff badly when we are younger.
But these events, and hundreds of seemingly smaller events, comments or opinions, started to shape who I’d become. I was liked by others but I needed to be liked. If I had a choice between winning or being liked I would have chosen being liked!
This is just a sample of childhood events that stayed buried deep in my hidden mind, affecting me daily without my knowledge or ability to remove them.
After seeing out my 20’s and half of my 30’s seeking ways to numb myself using cigarettes and alcohol I hit rock bottom in 2007 aged 34.
I was overweight, unhappy and slipped into a depression.
Let’s go back to the Spring of 2003. Where seeking a solution began.
I read a book that changed my world. It was written by John Little about the philosophy of Bruce Lee. It was called ‘The Warrior Within’.
I’d be a Bruce Lee fan since a child, thanks to my Dad and loved the martial arts. But it wasn’t until later life that I realised, his art was an extension of himself and his philosophies.
I read this book whilst sunning myself with my wife in Koh Samui, Thailand and I had light bulbs going off in my head like crazy!!! I had never realised I was in charge of my life! ME!!
I was responsible and if I wanted things to be different ‘I’ needed to be different! I know you’ve heard all this before, but keep reading as it’s going to become very different soon…
So I carried on reading books, listening to tapes and intellectualising the concepts. But my life still spun out of control!
Damn this made me angry. I read all the bloody books and tried to apply these things, but everything still seemed like hard work and it was still going wrong.
Depression hit and I quit life! I’d just had enough. 7 business failures in 7 years, massive debt and misery and with a 6-month-old son in tow, I checked out! This was 2007.
I couldn’t work so I stayed home, whilst my wife worked and I looked after our son at home. My wife was amazing and kept us afloat. Though I did look after my son very well, but I looked like crap!
More on that shortly.
How Bruce Lee Started This Whole Thing!
“The Ultimate Knowledge is Self-Knowledge” Bruce Lee
“Better oneself, to defeat those barriers which limit our true self-expression” Bruce Lee.
These words stayed with me and impacted me more deeply than anything before or since. It set me on a path for 13 years leading to this moment.
The Breakdown (almost)
Then, one afternoon back in early 2006, I saw my one my best friends, Dave, a man who has become like a brother to me. He seemed different. He was talking and behaving differently. He was calmer and more peaceful. Of course, I wanted some of that!
He explained the work he’d been doing with a therapist who was using hypnotherapy and psychotherapy to help him to sort out his issues.
So I asked for her number and it took me 3 weeks to finally call, but call I did…
I would have my session with the therapist, then talk to Dave on the way home about it every week for 2 years, with a small gap in the middle as I had run out of money. Ironically as my depression hit.
Dave had already completed about a year with her and was the experienced sounding board I needed. He was able to “frame” things for me and also help me to stick with it, even when I wanted to run!
The therapist used all sorts on me! Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, NLP, ETF or tapping, counselling and audios. She was also trying out lots of new ideas for me and has played a big part in where I find myself today.
Initially, I got used to the wonderful, yet lengthy process of digging into my history, including my childhood. Finding an issue, bringing it up to the surface and letting it go. Then talking it over to understand it all. It was amazing! I gained a sort of “PHD” or “Masters Degree” by way of intense personal experience.
Then she applied the shorter and faster process she was working on, as her skill set increased even more. It was definitely faster, but it still didn’t have an everyday foolproof way for me to know what demons or issues I still had, that were affecting my life. Something that anyone could use, no matter who or where they were in life, that was based on solid foundations.
Time to become financially free. woohoo!
I had had some small successes with internet businesses over the years learning great foundations from respected experts like Ed Dale and Dan Raine. Thank’s to these guys I had been able to stay working for myself since 2009 earning nicely and having lots of freedom. In fact, they were the reason I had my 1st successes online.
Towards the end of 2013, I had a new internet business idea, one that I wanted to make me truly wealthy. With a few investors in place, I was ready to go.
I started by hiring an excellent internet business coach – James Schramko of SuperFast Business – he had a reputation for his high-level coaching clients always succeeding and was expert in building a virtual team – so with his expert guidance I knew success with a team of outsourced staff would be assured as long as I put in the work.
I started to build what I felt would be my big success. He gave me daily guidance and mentoring and I followed the steps. In no time I had a few remote staff and the website and foundations were set. Time to start promoting it.
But I hit a problem.
I got scared and my confidence dropped! And I didn’t know why.
I felt stupid so I didn’t convey this to my coach! I pretended all was well and carried on doing tasks that avoided doing what he was telling me to do.
And sure enough, within a few months, with few sales, the money ran out and I had to stop coaching. I lied to James about why I had to stop because I felt like a useless failure. We were at the start of the summer 2014 and now, I found myself on the verge of a breakdown. I was lost and crumbling. The investor’s money had gone and I had no idea what to do.
I phoned my wife one Monday afternoon telling her I couldn’t come home as I felt I was shutting down and that I didn’t want the kids to see me like this. I was a wreck. Dave suggested I call the therapist.
I gave the Therapist an S.O.S and arranged a Skype video call for 7pm that evening.
We talked for 5 minutes and then she asked, “Where did I feel everything was?” I replied, “Around my throat and I’m shutting down. I can’t function at all!” The therapist did something with me and within seconds, something happened that changed everything.
Over the next hour, I had 4 emotional releases by way of intense crying that lasted for about 2-3 minutes each. The therapist explained that I was letting go of old stuff buried inside me (boxes, as I now call them).
I was exhausted at the end.
I went home and could now function again. I then slept for about 12 hours, then woke the next day feeling lighter but a little wobbly. Within a few days, I was over it. Like a new man!
I actually felt happy! It was crazy!
Over the next few weeks, I had 3 more events like this, but at home on my own, because I knew I could let go and allow it to happen and I knew I would be OK.
It was all triggered by daily events or people’s behaviour. This was my 1st clue to Deboxing but not one I saw yet!
So now I could begin figuring out how to identify my own baggage boxes and then rid me of them. Freeing myself to be happy. Without anxiety, fear or shame and live the life I wanted to…
So I owe the therapist and Dave a lot. I am forever grateful.
I parted company with the therapist at the end of 2014. The next part of my journey would be done with two close friends.
What happened next was where Deboxing began and the 2-year adventure that developed this amazing method that we all seem to have inside of us.
My need for anyone else for my emotional struggles was about to end.
Join the Debox Revolution – remove your boxes – change your reactions – transform your life.
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